Interview with the photographer Caitlin Sabo
Published in Coolhunter Magazine, Barcelona, Spai
1. Please tell us about “Memories.”
These photos are my intimate self portraits, visual poetry born in the depths of my soul. They explore the dualities in my life: the light and the shadows; the times when love and pain seem to be one and the same; the closed eyes that see all, the open mouth that cannot speak; the sensation of feeling vulnerable, not knowing how to defend myself; the masks that I wear to protect myself, the agony of pulling them off one by one; what I am capable of seeing, as well as what I am not prepared to face, that, nonetheless, is visible in my images. My photos arise from an oneiric world, one in which the distinction between dreams and reality is often vague and overlapping. Time flows, there is no need or reason to freeze a specific moment.
2. How and why did you begin this project?
For quite a long time I have used my own body as a form of artistic creation, an expression of my inner self. Self portraits, for me, are a necessity, like breathing.
I work alone, nude body and soul, many times at night, but not always.
“Memories” is not a project that I specifically planned as such. It began when a friend started to tell me about her childhood, her memories, so painful and so similar to my own. They seem to have triggered regressions to my own childhood, which I did not seek or want. Unable to control them, I was utterly confused as to what to do. Thus, I turned to my faithful friend, my camera, and I began to work with my own body. That was my salvation.
3. How long did you work on this project?
For at least three years. Process is essential to me, shooting every day regardless of the results. Some days I needed these self portraits to be able to get out of bed in the morning.
4. Did you make a lot of mistakes?
Of course I did, and it didn’t worry me a bit. I am not afraid of making mistakes; mistakes are part of life. When I make a mistake it means that I am working, that I am creating and this is very positive.
5. Is inspiration like a fairy godmother who arrives and solves all your problems? Or do you have to assist her in some way or other?
I never have thought specifically about the word inspiration. The creative process means working hard every day, total surrender to the Universe, to the process itself. It is being open and receptive, never judging, being faithful to myself.
This does not mean that I work in a vacuum. I often listen to music when I do my self portraits, mostly blues and jazz. Once I experimented with my body to find out how I would feel if I listened to the poem “The Howl” by Allen Ginsberg every day for a week; I was deeply moved and changed. I am passionate about Pier Paolo Pasolini (who was a friend of Ginsberg), Anaïs Nin, Patti Smith, Gordon Matta-Clark, Jean-Michele Basquiat, Joseph Cornell, Remedios Varo, Nahui Ollin and Frida Kahlo. I also love to find great films that transport me to another world far away from my daily reality. There are times when I nourish my heart and soul with an entire day in a museum. A show of Twombly’s work opened not that long ago in Mexico City; I went twice and a left with a renewed vision, thus able to return to my daily routine, my life again filled with love. The same happened with Calder.
6. We are impressed by the quality of your prints. Can you please tell us about them?
I print all my digital photographs so I can have total control, which is basic to me.
I loved the magic of my darkroom; my photographic roots were nurtured in black and white, film. I did all my own printing. Logically, I applied this same technique to the digital world.
A risk taker, I bought my plotter and a book on digital fine art printing; then I started to research quality digital photography papers. I made a lot of mistakes, but the quality of my work is seen in the final prints. It took me about a year to become a digital master printer, but I can say that today I am satisfied with the results.
My work is strongly influenced by my time in the darkroom in the sense of toning and “mordençage,” a process in which the print is immersed in a series of rather toxic chemicals that allows the emulsion to be manipulated.
7. We know that before you were a photographer, you were a journalist. When and why did you trade journalism for photography?
Yes, I was a reporter. I graduated from The University of Texas, Austin with a Bachelor of Journalism, and I worked in newspapers in Texas, Mexico and Venezuela. It was a very good experience, a job that demanded total dedication; I was happy and passionate, as I am today as a photographer.
After that I worked for quite a while as a translator here in Mexico City. I did like translating, but I reached a point when I needed a change: I enrolled in photography school, the Escuela Activa de Fotografía, at the beginning of the 90’s. I already had a background in film and video workshops, and I had studied and art history as well as the history of cinema. Seeking a means of expression that did not require words, photography school seemed like a natural choice. I had used the camera occasionally as a journalist and knew all the basics, but the concept was not as a means of artistic expression. I discovered my true vocation in life and I immediately began to work in black and white, with movement and nudes, which still continue to be important elements in my images today.
8. Why did you choose photography? What does this discipline mean to you?
I think it was the other way around: photography chose me. I said yes, and I gave my heart and all to my camera. Photography is my passion, vocation and reason for being in this world. I feel more alive when I have a camera in my hands. I see more. I feel more. This is a huge gift from the Universe, so it also is a responsibility that I take very seriously, always trying to use my art for purpose of good, for the light.
In addition, at least for me, there is no single interpretation of my works. Each person can take what he/she needs to see or requires, and this, to me, is positive.
Caitlin Roberta Sabo